i should sue! why do people pretend they are something, lure you in and then pitch something completely different.
i got this call today from some guy called Charles. he introduced himself as a recruiter who was looking for computer saavy individuals with good people skills to join their expanding hi-tech company. so me thinks, sounds good. and the company's not too far from intel and so there may be something in this. me doesn't ask: what's the name of the company; how much do i get paid; and what does the job entail? i think i have become so desp'rate, i could take any offer.
me goes there, today, yes on a sunday. i should have smelt a rat but i didn't! i was all togged up, suit, tie, polished shoes, clean shaven, combed hair.... get to this shoddy office [in a nice office block] to be greeted by Charles [let's call him Chuck!] who must be about 4 feet tall, thin as a rack and looked as though he was from the east asian mafia. that guy gave me the creeps. he then invited me to meet his big boss, a bulky east asian dude who can barely breath. maybe this is the mafia. my biased self at this point became really skeptical [i watched CRASH last night and you that scene when they find a bunch of chinese peeps being smuggled and sold into the country - it sure felt like i was in the middle of it]
they then go on to describe how they make their money - selling mortgages. now, that's hi-tech, unless of course i'm lost in translation. me asks, so where's the hi-tech twist in selling mortgages? well, it's all in your brain. now i'm really lost. then,
me: so how would i go about selling the mortgage?
them: we dont really sell. we educate people about how to save money on their mortgages.
me: and how do you educate them?
them: we give you the necessary tools when you sign up.
me: and what are those tools?
them: we tell them to you when you sign up.
me: so how much do i get paid?
them: it depends on the volume of work you do.
me: so what's volume of work?
them: say you sell a $500,000 mortgage to a person...
me: hang on. where will i find somebody willing to spend half a mill?
them: on the street. there's lots of people waiting for you to educate them.
me: so that lady on the street could need a half a mill mortgage.
them: now you are getting the idea.
me: so i basically just walk around town asking people if they need a new home.
them: ooh yes, they are everywhere, bus stops, shopping malls, starbucks...
me: hypothetically, i could ask someone if they needed a house with their latte...
them: (chuckles) yes, you are a quick learner. you'll do good.
me: or i could walk into macdonalds and offer someone a million dollar loan to go with their big mac.
them: wow. you are able to think outside the box. you would prosper in this industry.
[i really should have up and left but i thought i'd play along. make a good blog entry after all]
me: so what's the commission structure like?
them: we tell you that when you sign up.
me: come on now. how am i supposed to sign up if i dont know what i'm being paid?
them: [talk talk in chinese] you see, the bank gives us 1% commission. say from five hundred sounsand, there five sounsand. make ten of those in a month...
me: ten of those is 5 million! i've got to find people willing to spend THAT much?
them:....yes...10 of those is fifty sousand. then you get thirty percent, which is 15 sousand.
me: and the 70%?
them: we keep it!
me: so i basically do your dirty work!
them: which job pays you 15 sousand a month entry level?
if you are still reading this, i cant believe you actually got this far. my job search continues!