quest
as i come to terms with the fact that i will be abandoning a beautiful modern home with central air, own bathroom, cable tv in my room, big screen tv downstairs, high speed internet, pantry at my disposal, fridge to raid and a car parked in the garage, my quest for a room to board has ended. suddenly i feel like i've beeen brought down to size and will have to put up with sharing bathrooms and kitchens with strangers. i mention these two as in any house, they are the two roms i am really particular about. who really wants to catch a dump in a shitty toilet and who would want to eat food from a dirty counter.
my quest has been somewhat eventful. i came across some really really REALLY wierd people.
1. the lonely girl
miss bizzare interviewed me over the phone to be a roomate of hers. she wanted me to massage her 3 times a week, walk in my underwear when i got home from work everynight. accompany her shopping and bar hopping twice a month among other things all for a mere $200 reduction in the rent.
2. the lonely guy
i really ought to introduce him to miss bizzare. basically, he wants somebody, male or female, to his friend for only $20 a month. that's it. he will cover al expenses, i.e. food, transport, shopping trips. this would include weekend holiday breaks, hiking trips and skiing. but you have to sleep in the same room - same bed!
3. bi-sexual naturist
a bi advetising exec with a huge house who is renting out a room for a fraction of the cost. one must be open minded and expect him to walk around in the nude, especially when he is on his way to the hot-tub across the front room. entertainment for your guests when they come over.
4. vegan with body odour
she wants you to cook food that is on a specified list. it must not be processed, be fresh but not picked. plants and fruits have feelings - they radiate an energy - and hence must die a natural death. you must also use all things natural. no fragrances, no soap, no shampoo, no cleaning agents, no tv. basically, just crawl into her cave and simply exist.
5. swinging in the family
this sister and brother duo have a pleasant family house in the valley. they have eight dogs, an aviary and a couple of cats. she's in her 50's and he's in his 40's but he's "a bit slow" and weighs 280 pounds. now read this carefully. they dont really work. they run a family business. every friday and saturday night they have adult entertainment parties for couples. couples only, no singletons. at precisely 9pm, the curtains and blinds are shut, the front door is locked and the telephone is unplugged. he puts on the porn video, while she dishes out the condoms. once everyone gets in the mood, coitus follows before they switch partners and end up with big happy orgy. no to worry about the mess - while everyone's at play, she runs around armed with bleach spray and a sponge disinfecting everything, including the door knobs (just in case they have a virus!). they make a thousand bucks a week easy!
my quest has been somewhat eventful. i came across some really really REALLY wierd people.
1. the lonely girl
miss bizzare interviewed me over the phone to be a roomate of hers. she wanted me to massage her 3 times a week, walk in my underwear when i got home from work everynight. accompany her shopping and bar hopping twice a month among other things all for a mere $200 reduction in the rent.
2. the lonely guy
i really ought to introduce him to miss bizzare. basically, he wants somebody, male or female, to his friend for only $20 a month. that's it. he will cover al expenses, i.e. food, transport, shopping trips. this would include weekend holiday breaks, hiking trips and skiing. but you have to sleep in the same room - same bed!
3. bi-sexual naturist
a bi advetising exec with a huge house who is renting out a room for a fraction of the cost. one must be open minded and expect him to walk around in the nude, especially when he is on his way to the hot-tub across the front room. entertainment for your guests when they come over.
4. vegan with body odour
she wants you to cook food that is on a specified list. it must not be processed, be fresh but not picked. plants and fruits have feelings - they radiate an energy - and hence must die a natural death. you must also use all things natural. no fragrances, no soap, no shampoo, no cleaning agents, no tv. basically, just crawl into her cave and simply exist.
5. swinging in the family
this sister and brother duo have a pleasant family house in the valley. they have eight dogs, an aviary and a couple of cats. she's in her 50's and he's in his 40's but he's "a bit slow" and weighs 280 pounds. now read this carefully. they dont really work. they run a family business. every friday and saturday night they have adult entertainment parties for couples. couples only, no singletons. at precisely 9pm, the curtains and blinds are shut, the front door is locked and the telephone is unplugged. he puts on the porn video, while she dishes out the condoms. once everyone gets in the mood, coitus follows before they switch partners and end up with big happy orgy. no to worry about the mess - while everyone's at play, she runs around armed with bleach spray and a sponge disinfecting everything, including the door knobs (just in case they have a virus!). they make a thousand bucks a week easy!
i'm still trying to pick up my jaw from the floor....
Posted by
Unknown |
4:36 pm, January 24, 2006